Crime and Punishment
by NijiNoNeko
Summary: ONE-SHOT. Kurotsuchi Mayuri creating a special gun and Matsumoto Rangiku stealing it equals a mess for a certain tenth squad captain to clear up.


**My first Bleach fanfic! I came up with this idea whilst I was in the bath yesterday evening, then sat down at ten o'clock when I was meant to be in bed and wrote and wrote and wrote until I had it finished at quarter past twelve. I'm actually really pleased with this.**

**I've put the main characters as Nemu and Hitsugaya, but don't worry, this is not a HitsuxNemu fanfic. I only put those two because the story is told from their points of view.**

**Sad to say, I do not own Bleach, or the characters. However I'm very proud to say that this storyline _is_ mine. Hope you enjoy this!**

* * *

"Nemu, come here, quickly!"

Kurotsuchi Nemu glanced up from her paperwork at her captain's urgent voice. In a flash, she was by his side in the laboratory.

"Yes, Mayuri-sama?"

The twelfth-squad captain gestured towards the counter in front of him. "Take a look at this, Nemu. What do you think this is?"

"A gun, Mayuri-sama?"

"Yes and no." Mayuri lovingly picked up the object that had been on the counter. "It's my latest creation!" Keeping her face expressionless, Nemu studied it. It certainly looked like a gun. Sleek, thin and silver, it definitely had that typical shape of a gun. She resisted the temptation to ask what it was if not a gun, knowing that her captain would enjoy the suspense of revealing it at his own pace. Sure enough, he went on to explain.

"This is a special gun, Nemu," he told her proudly. "This gun is not for killing. Why would you need a gun to kill people with anyway, when we shinigami have zanpakutous? No, this gun does something drastically different. Watch."

Nemu obediently did as she was told, watching as Mayuri picked up a book from a large pile next to him. Impatiently, he leafed through it, leaving it open at a particular page. Hefting the gun, he aimed it straight at a photograph of an apple on it. He fired the gun, hitting the apple directly in the centre.

"Now, watch closely!" Mayuri instructed eagerly. As Nemu looked, a strange substance spread from the bullet across the picture. Her eyes widened, as the apple slowly curved away from the book, becoming more solid and life-like. Finally, with a thump, it rolled off the book, no longer anything like a photograph at all. It was completely real. Mayuri plucked it from the counter delightedly.

"Look, Nemu, look!" he cried, tossing it to her. She caught it. To her surprise, it didn't feel like paper at all. It felt smooth, heavy, exactly like an apple. Mayuri looked extremely pleased with himself.

"This is what my gun does," he told her imperiously. "Any picture that you shoot, will become real! How incredible is that? I've spent the past two and a half weeks working on this gun. Well, actually it is the bullets that are everything. They contain an acid that copies and creates. The gun is only for show. And for providing the required force of course. Hmm . . . I wonder how long it lasts . . ."

"Do you think this is edible, Mayuri-sama?" Nemu asked, studying the apple closely. She barely had time to draw breath before Mayuri had snatched the apple from her.

"It must be . . . if all my calculations were correct . . ." he muttered, sniffing the apple. "Well, there's only one way to find out." Nemu watched as he took a tentative bite, then another and another.

"How is it, Mayuri-sama?"

Mayuri held up the apple victoriously. "This is the most delicious apple I have ever eaten! I am a genius! My gun works!" As her captain lovingly praised his creations, Nemu glanced towards the open door, where she caught sight of a pink scarf being hastily whisked away. She narrowed her eyes, but decided against telling her captain.

* * *

The next morning, Nemu was awoken by Mayuri's screams.

"It's gone! _It's gone!_ Nemu, get here now! NEMU!"

As fast as she could, Nemu hurried towards the sound of her captain's voice. He was standing in the middle of the laboratory, wringing his hands and wailing.

"Is something wrong, Mayuri-sama?"

Mayuri turned to her, eyes wide and panicked. "Yes! Everything is wrong, Nemu! I just came here to check on it, and it's gone! Completely gone!"

"What is gone, Mayuri-sama?" Nemu asked, though she had a good feeling that she knew the answer.

"The gun, the gun! Oh my beautiful gun, my wonderful creation! What am I going to do, Nemu?"

Nemu decided that it would be best to remain quiet, but suddenly, Mayuri gasped, choking. He clutched his stomach and fell to the floor, writhing in pain.

"Are you all right, Mayuri-sama?"

Her captain looked up at her, foam bubbling from his mouth.

"No." He managed to splutter, and fainted.

* * *

Meanwhile, many miles away in Seireitei, Hitsugaya Toushirou entered his office.

"Morning, Matsumoto," he said curtly, then stopped dead. He'd been expecting to see his vice-captain grumbling and slouched over the monstrous piles of paperwork that he'd purposefully left her. Instead, the stacks of paper had been arranged neatly around an incredibly studious-looking girl with very bushy brown hair. She had been writing rapidly with a feather quill, but glanced up at the sound of Hitsugaya's voice.

"Ah, just wait a minute, please," the girl hurriedly scribbled a few more sentances, then triumphantly put down her quill, getting to her feet. She came around the side of the table and walked towards Hitsugaya, who was standing, completely stunned, with his mouth wide open. She smiled at him, holding out a hand to shake.

"You must be Shirou-chan, right? Miss Matsumoto told me all about you!" If possible, Hitsugaya's jaw dropped even more, whilst the girl went on. "I'm Hermione Granger. Miss Matsumoto hired me to do her paperwork."

Hitsugaya snapped his mouth shut. "Matsumoto hired you to do her paperwork?" he repeated slowly. Hermione nodded.

"Yes, she shot me straight out of that book there," she pointed towards a copy of 'Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban'. There was an ominous gap in the picture on the front cover where Hermione was meant to be. Hitsugaya picked it up, staring incredulously.

"Shot you? What the hell is going on here?"

Hermione sat back down at the desk, picking up her quill again. "Perhaps I should explain."

By the time that she had finished, Hitsugaya was fuming.

"Matsumoto," he cursed, before heading towards the door. On his way, he turned to glance back at Hermione, who was busy working.

"Don't you dare do a single word, no, not even a _letter_ more of that paperwork," he warned.

"Oh, but-" Hermione protested, but Hitsugaya cut her off.

"If you really want to do something, invent some paperwork for Matsumoto to do. She needs as much punishment as she can get."

"Oh, okay," Hermione called as Hitsugaya sped off. "And, in case it helps, Miss Matsumoto said that she was going to see someone called Kyouraku, or something like that."

"Thanks," Hitsugaya muttered, heading towards the eighth squad. As he neared it, the unmistakable scent of alcohol reached his nose. He growled. Matsumoto was in so much trouble. Getting angrier by the second, he leapt up onto the rooftops, running in the direction of the alcohol. He turned a corner, and came face to face with the eighth squad vice-captain, Nanao Ise.

"Oh, Hitsugaya-taichou, thank goodness," she sighed, looking extremely relieved.

"Where is she?" Hitsugaya asked, in a deadly voice. Nanao didn't even have to ask who he was talking about. She just turned around and led Hitsugaya in the direction of her captain's quarters. There, they found the entire eighth-squad lounging rowdily, completely drunk, on the caprain's roof. And there, right in the middle, laughing even more drunkenly then everyone else, with Kyouraku beside her, a small gun in one hand, a bottle in the other and piles of wine magazines around her, was -

"MATSUMOTO!"

* * *

Later that day, after shouting for two hours straight at his vice-captain, then dragging her back to his office and shouting even more until his voice was too sore to shout any longer, Hitsugaya took Matsumoto to return the gun to Kurotsuchi Mayuri. However, when they arrived at his lab, only Nemu was there.

"I'm afraid that Mayuri-sama is currently undergoing treatment at the fourth squad," she told them. "But I'm sure that he will be very happy if you return the gun to where you found it."

Hitsugaya fixed Matsumoto with such a dangerous look that she sidled away without protesting. Once she'd gone, he asked Nemu why her captain was in the fourth squad.

"Mayuri-sama ate an apple that he created with that gun," Nemu explained seriously. "Once the effects wore off twelve hours later, his stomach reacted badly to the paper and the acid that he had digested. He was in quite a bad condition."

An idea formed suddenly in Hitsugaya's head. "Say, Nemu, do you think that if other people consumed things created by that gun, that they would have the same reactions?"

"It is most likely."

Hitsugaya grinned, his eyes sparkling. "Excellent."

* * *

The next day, Matsumoto and all of the eighth division except Nanao were undergoing treatment in the fourth squad.

**

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There! Hope you enjoyed reading this! Please review to tell me what you thought. Even if it's only one word, or a sentance, I love reading them, and it feels really good to know that other people have read your fanfictions! So, please review!**

**Perhaps this would have been better as a crossover, as it does contain one character from Harry Potter, but I didn't think she really counted as she's not a huge part in the storyline. Please tell me what you think, and I might change it to a crossover. For now though, it'll stay as just Bleach!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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